Monday Meditation
Day 1 of Forgiveness
“Abba Poemen said: ‘If a man has sinned and denies it, saying, “I have not sinned,” do not rebuke him. For that will break the bond of friendship with him. But say to him, “Do not lose heart, brother, but be on guard in the future,” and you will bring him to repentance.’” — The Desert Fathers
Today is Day 1.
I never learned how to forgive when I was harmed. I was taught to cut people out of my life, to estrange, to protect myself through withdrawal or violence. I am 49 years old, and I am just now learning how to forgive.
Yesterday, I asked a comrade: “But how do I truly forgive?” She looked at me and said simply: “Let it go.”
Forgiving is the work of recovery. Recovery of self, so that we might be able to reconnect with one another. I have not always known how to do that. I have caused relational harm because of my inability to forgive, to release, to compost anger before it spills out sideways. Today is Day 1 of forgiveness—learning to forgive myself, learning to forgive others.
The Desert Mothers and Fathers knew this struggle. Amma Syncletica once said, “In the beginning, there are a great many battles and a good deal of suffering for those who are advancing toward God. But afterward, there is joy inexpressible.” Forgiveness is one of those battles. It asks us to wrestle with ourselves until joy—repair—becomes possible.
We are taught that we must forgive not once but seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22). But how do we do this when our wounds are deep, when the trauma is unhealed, when the grief is insatiable? I don’t have the answer. I only know that forgiveness is not punitive, not lashing out, not carceral. Forgiveness is composting anger and rage into loving-kindness.
Desmond Tutu once wrote: “Without forgiveness, there is no future.” I believe that. Because to remain lodged in unforgiveness is to remain captive to the logics of empire: punishment, domination, retaliation. Forgiveness is not forgetting. It is a refusal to be ruled by harm. It is the practice of repair.
Today is Day 1 of turning away from carceral logics. Day 1 of turning away from punitive thinking. Day 1 of investing in myself so that I can embody the change I long to see.
I am not naïve. Forgiveness is hard in an age of polarization, poverty, and catastrophic anxiety. Neuroscience tells us that unforgiveness traps us in cycles of toxic stress, keeping the nervous system on high alert. Forgiveness, by contrast, lowers cortisol levels, re-regulates the body, restores possibility. It is, quite literally, healing for the brain and the body.
I don’t commit suicide because I believe another way is possible. Forgiveness is that way. It is the work of suturing wounds that are trying to kill me every day—wounds of generational violence, stirred up by the present collapse.
When we tend to the pain, when we lean into the wound, we often find gold. The Desert elders knew this. James Baldwin knew this. bell hooks knew this. “Forgiveness,” hooks wrote, “is an act of love for the self, and an act of love for others.”
My great hope is that my life as a pilgrim will model peace and reconciliation, that my behavior will speak the language of repair instead of the language of toxic stress and violence.
So I ask you:
Where are you on your journey of forgiveness?
What would it take for you to let go, not as erasure, but as release?
How might forgiving yourself open the door to forgiving others?
Today is Day 1.
✨ Ritual Exhale:
Breathe in unforgiveness.
Breathe out release.
Breathe in wounds.
Breathe out repair.
Breathe in grief.
Breathe out gold.