✨ An Invitation to Those Becoming With Me
Dear Becoming Ones,
Kierkegaard once said the preacher always preaches first to himself.
I, too, write to(ward) myself.
Like Gloria Anzaldúa, I write as a way of coming home to the self I’ve abandoned—
a self I am now learning, slowly and tenderly, to trust again.
This Friday Care Package is a culmination of that work done this week—
the slow, patient turning toward myself after years of turning away.
Each word is a small gesture of attunement,
a candle lit in the dark forest where I am learning to walk by feel.
If you are here, you are probably learning this too:
how to listen beneath the noise,
how to tend to the places within that ache for light,
how to believe that the path reveals itself only one step at a time.
We are not rushing.
We are not fixing.
We are learning—poco a poco—to stay with ourselves
until the Light finds us again.
Come, let us keep company on this wild pilgrimage of care and becoming.
With love and slowness,
RCE+
💌 Friday Care Package: The Radical Turn Toward Care
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
— Audre Lorde
“Judge not, that you be not judged.”
— Jesus, Gospel of Matthew 7:1
“Before we can win justice, we must get free.”
— Lama Rod Owens, Love and Rage
“Rest is a portal for liberation.”
— Tricia Hersey
I am writing a new story on top of the old one.
A palimpsest. A rewriting.
A restorying.
This week I have been meditating on Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 7: “Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye but do not notice the log in your own?”
What if judgment is a kind of inherited violence—an invisible training that teaches us to separate and compare, to protect the illusion of being “better” or “right”?
We learn early to judge others so we don’t have to face our own tender need for healing.
We turn that same violence inward, judging ourselves for not being enough.
But Jesus calls us to pause before we project.
He asks us to see the log—the pain, the fear, the unhealed wound—within ourselves first.
This is not shame; it’s invitation.
To recognize that every act of judgment is really a plea for belonging gone wrong.
I have spent years in spaces that rewarded judgment: the academy, the institutional church, the movement. Each carried its own hierarchy of holiness, intellect, and virtue.
But as Lama Rod Owens reminds us, “We can’t build a just world if we are not in right relationship with ourselves.”
When I judged others for not being radical enough, or faithful enough, or aware enough, I was protecting the parts of me still afraid to be seen.
Judgment was my armor; love is my new practice.
And love, as Jesus embodied it, is ferocious in its tenderness—it holds accountability without humiliation.
So this week I am detoxing again:
from self-judgment,
from the small violences of comparison,
from the inherited habits of measuring worth.
This detox is not a purge; it’s a prayer.
A prayer to become attuned—to my own body, my own limits, my own longing.
Because attunement is the beginning of freedom.
Freedom begins when I can look at another human and see not competition or threat, but the same ache for wholeness that I carry.
Next week I’ll spend time at Richmond Hill, in prayer and service, and then retreat at Hull House with my ABBA/AMMA, Basil Irenaeus.
There, I will practice the slow, honest work of scraping off the mirror until I can see clearly again.
This is what Jesus meant when he told us to take the log out of our own eye—not as condemnation, but as liberation.
When we remove the distortions, we begin to see ourselves and others as beloved.
🪞 Attunement as Liberation
Attunement is how we unlearn judgment.
It’s how we interrupt the reflex to fix, compare, or condemn.
It’s how we listen beneath behavior to the unmet need.
When we are attuned to ourselves, we no longer have to use others as mirrors for our wounds.
When we are attuned to others, we see that every soul is trembling toward healing.
Judgment shrinks the world; attunement widens it.
Jesus’ words, Lama Rod’s wisdom, and Audre Lorde’s radical care all converge here:
Freedom begins with gentleness.
Justice begins with honesty.
Healing begins with mercy.
🌿 An Invitation
Will you soften your gaze this week?
Will you pause before judging—yourself or anyone else—and ask, What pain is this judgment protecting?
Will you dare to replace comparison with curiosity, and criticism with care?
Because change is the only constant.
And mercy is the soil where change can take root.
🌬️ Ritual Exhale
Breathe in mercy.
Exhale comparison.
Breathe in honesty.
Exhale shame.
Breathe in the freedom of self-attunement.
Exhale the violence of judgment.
You are already being made whole in the seeing.
With love that listens,
RCE +
🌾 Field Guide to Care Practices: Healing Our Habit of Judgment
“Judge not, that you be not judged… for the measure you give will be the measure you get.”
— Matthew 7:1–2
“Before we can win justice, we must get free.”
— Lama Rod Owens
“We can’t heal what we continue to condemn.”
— RCE+
1) Seeing Without Condemning (Attunement Audit)
Duration: 5–7 min
Scripture echo: “Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but not the log in your own?”
Steps:
Sit quietly; place one hand over your heart and one over your belly.
Name three sensations in the body (e.g., “tightness in chest, tingling in jaw, warmth in palms”).
Ask gently: What story am I telling about myself—or someone else—right now?
Breathe, and release the story. Return to sensation.
Why it works: This is the practice of nonjudgmental awareness—the first step toward seeing clearly. It trains the heart to notice without condemning, to perceive before reacting.
2) Boundaries as Blessing (Freedom from Control)
Duration: 10 minutes to design; 30 seconds to use
Prayer: “Let my yes be yes, and my no be no.” — Matthew 5:37
Steps:
Write three compassionate “no” statements you can use this week.
Practice saying them out loud.
Each time you say “no” from integrity rather than fear, whisper: “This is freedom.”
Why it works: Judgment often masks control—the need to fix or dominate. Practicing loving boundaries reclaims your agency without harming others. It’s how we live truth without coercion.
3) Ritual Rest (Freedom from the Measuring Stick)
Duration: 20 minutes
Scripture echo: “Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28
Steps:
Lie down, eyes closed, one hand on your heart.
Whisper: “I am enough, even when I am still.”
Rest for twenty minutes, releasing any internalized demand to earn worthiness.
Why it works: Rest interrupts the cycle of comparison and performance—the twin engines of judgment. To rest is to remember that belovedness is not performance-based.
4) Curiosity as Compassion (Wonder-Switch Walk)
Duration: 12–20 minutes outdoors
Scripture echo: “Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow.” — Matthew 6:28
Steps:
Go for a walk intending to notice beauty without naming it “good” or “bad.”
Observe three details you’ve never seen before.
Whisper: “I release my need to categorize; I choose to wonder.”
Why it works: Curiosity dissolves judgment by engaging awe. Wonder is the contemplative muscle that allows us to see the world as God does—without hierarchy, without critique.
5) Restorying the Day (Compassionate Reflection)
Duration: 10–15 minutes before bed
Framework: Fact → Judgment → Grace
Steps:
Fact: What happened today? (3 bullets)
Judgment: Where did I judge myself or someone else? (Name it without shame.)
Grace: How might I rewrite this story through compassion?
Why it works: This is confession as liberation, not condemnation. It teaches the nervous system that self-awareness can coexist with gentleness.
6) Table of Repair (Communion in Practice)
Duration: 60–90 minutes with another person
Scripture echo: “First be reconciled to your brother or sister, then come and offer your gift.” — Matthew 5:24
Steps:
Share a meal with someone where there has been distance or misunderstanding.
Each person shares:
“What I wish you could feel in my body about this story is…”
“What I am taking responsibility for is…”
End with a shared blessing: “May we see each other clearly.”
Why it works: Judgment creates distance; repair closes it. The table becomes a microcosm of the kingdom—a place where honesty and mercy eat together.
7) Detox from Comparison
(Seven-Day Fast of Judgment)
Duration: One week
Practice: Choose two daily patterns of judgment to abstain from—e.g., social media comparison, gossip, or self-critique.
Daily reflection:
Where did I judge myself or another today?
What fear or insecurity did that judgment protect?
What would compassion look like instead?
Why it works: Abstaining from judgment reveals the anxious need beneath it. This practice trains the soul in mercy.
8) Monastic Micro-Rhythm (The Rhythm of Mercy)
Duration: Daily template
Adapted Bell Schedule:
Lauds (7:00): Breath prayer — “Create in me a clean heart.”
Terce (9:00): Focus block — one task done in peace.
Sext (12:00): Gratitude + food without multitasking.
None (15:00): Wonder walk or 10-minute silence.
Vespers (18:00): Confession of judgment → one act of compassion.
Compline (21:30): Body scan → whisper “I am beloved, even here.”
Why it works: Rhythm is mercy in motion. It replaces self-judgment with predictable grace.
9) Emergency Grounding (When Judgment Spirals)
Duration: 90 seconds
Steps:
Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
Place your feet flat on the ground; breathe out longer than you breathe in.
Say aloud: “I return to presence; I release perfection.”
Why it works: Judgment pulls us into fantasy (past/future). Grounding reclaims the now, where compassion lives.
10) The Attunement Question
Whenever judgment arises—of yourself or another—pause and ask:
“What is this judgment trying to protect, and what would love say instead?”
Why it works: It redirects the energy of judgment toward understanding. Love becomes the interpreter of your inner courtroom.
Pocket Benedictions
Jesus: “Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.”
Audre Lorde: “Self-care is political warfare.”
Lama Rod Owens: “Our liberation depends on our capacity to love ourselves.”
RCE+: “Attunement is the practice of seeing without condemning.”
Closing Practice: The Mirror Prayer
(To end the week or begin anew)
“Holy Love,
Help me see what is mine to heal,
not to judge.
Help me see myself as you see me—
tender, fallible, radiant.
Help me see others likewise.
May my seeing become a sanctuary.”