Friday Care Package
Care in Collapse, After Violence
“The paradox of education is precisely this—that as one begins to become conscious, one begins to examine the society in which he is being educated.” — James Baldwin
Violence begets violence. I am writing from Harlem today, and even as I try to find words, violence erupts outside my window. It was so irruptive that I had to tell my partner’s caregiver I needed to attend to my own safety. Now the NYPD are here, radios crackling, doing what they call due diligence. But I know this: violence will not save us. And there is no escaping it.
Ta-Nehisi Coates reminds us that violence is not anomaly, it is the program. The plundering of bodies—Black bodies, queer bodies, trans bodies—was written into the foundations of this country. Today we see that reality unfold again in the death, the assassination, of Charlie Kirk. He lived by the sword; he died by the sword. And while some will celebrate and some will mourn, I cannot help but see in this moment another symptom of the same sickness. This is not the kind of life wisdom calls us to lead.
Wisdom calls us toward gentleness. Toward improvisation. Toward care.
bell hooks told us that love is a choice, an action, a will to nurture the growth of self and other. She told us that to practice love we must reject domination in all its forms. What we need now are networks of trust—the antidote to collapse. NYPD radios will not build networks of trust. Surveillance will not build networks of trust. But generative relationships can. Feeding one another builds networks of trust. Clothing one another builds networks of trust. Investing materially in people, not transactions, not donations—that builds networks of trust.
I remember sitting at my dinner table in Nashville one night, telling my partner: we are culture bearers. Culture work is undervalued, dismissed as impractical or unnecessary. But when culture is left to be shaped only by dominant modes of being, we end up where we are now: living inside cultures of violence, domination, supremacy.
Charlie Kirk bore that culture; his life and death are testimony to what carceral logics breed. I do not want to replicate that logic in my own body, though I know I am socialized into it, just like you. Every day I am unraveling from the conscription of supremacy culture. Every day I see how far I—and we—have to go.
The work of healing is the work of care. The work of care is the work of love.
When we care in material ways, when we suture wounds with presence and tenderness, when we invest in one another’s survival and thriving, we stitch together the future. Not the future empire promises, but the future we have been waiting for.
✨ Ritual Exhale:
Breathe in violence.
Breathe out care.
Breathe in fracture.
Breathe out trust.
Breathe in grief.
Breathe out love.
Closing Poem
We cannot kill our way to peace,
nor police our way to trust.
But we can feed one another,
clothe one another,
listen until the silence breaks.
In the rubble of empire,
care is the only thread
strong enough
to weave tomorrow.
This is what I needed to read today. Thank you!
"suturing wounds with presence and tenderness..." Yes - and we must do this for each other as the destructiveness of empire invades our minds, our hearts and our homes. As one accustomed to powerlessness, the daily news retriggers trauma and it takes hours of my day simply to reclaim the power "presence and tenderness" require - it requires time spent in the presence of others who are suturing with their presence and tenderness too. There is a poem about anticipating and accepting grief - befriending grief. I do not know the poet but what you said above, she said in the poem - at least both spoke to me the same way. (Trying to figure out if I can send the poem.)